Ikea You!

 This is going to sound like a long explanation, but are you familiar with the ventriloquist Jeff Dunham? He has a a puppet named Achmed the Dead Terrorist, who's repeated catchphrase is "SILENCE! ...I KEEL YOU!" Well everytime we visit Ikea, we hear that puppet in our heads scream "SILENCE! ...IKEA YOU!" Because of the similar way he says "I KEEL". Anyway, we went out to the Ikea-you store and got some pictures.

Who needs a map for a store? Ikea does. Don't get lost! It's easier than you'd think. You'll stop to look at something, get turned around, follow the path, wait... how did I wind up back at the entrance? You laugh, but it'll happen to you if you're not careful!

This was actually on the road leading to Ikea, but I had to get a picture of a traffic Call Box. I wonder if there's actually a phone in there, or just like... a mirror and a message to look in your own pocket, silly! You already have a phone why do we need this box?

Back inside Ikea. I think I've seen fashion things before in here, but it still seems a little off-brand for a furniture store. Nice patterns, although it looks a bit like what random aliens would be wearing in the background in a sci-fi series.

I love sneaking around other people's homes! Oh? I'm still in the Ikea?

Big Top Minty! Keep your kid in this tent while you try and watch some TV for crying out loud, can we just watch one show!?! Stay in that tent!

There's a funny "Morty's Mindblower" from Rick and Morty about the bubble and leveling something. Oh, you think you're going to level that TV using a bubble and some lines? Haha

Hi Minty! Oh, there I am again! Hey over there, Minty! Which one is the real Minty? I was not going to say anything, but I totally used an editing program to flip the Minty in the mirror on the right. Is anybody really looking that closely at these pictures to notice? I gotta admit, it does look really creepy!

This rotating stool was bouncy and oddly super-comfortable. $80 seems a bit high but we briefly thought; hmm... do I have anywhere to put this comfy thing?

I might be projecting my age here, but I don't think the words "Gaming" and "Desk" go together. Your desk is for homework, not games. And... get off my lawn you rowdy kids!

What books do we have here? If I had a book published, would I drop it on this stack in the display to low-key viral market it? Ikea is notorious for using only things you can buy in the displays, so it's possible these books are around here somewhere to buy. I peeked inside and they are real books, not just blank pages.

There were odd windows with lighted pictures in this display, so I thought I'd get a picture to see if it looked like real-outside in a photo. Not bad. I might believe it. Check out creepy smiley-guy on the tiny wall TV over there.

I know exactly where I am hiding in this picture, and even I can barely see myself. Where's Minty on hard mode! Can you find me?

Even though we don't own one, I'm a big fan of loft beds. It doubles the space! Plus, you're more safe from zombies while sleeping up there, since they can't use the ladder.

Last time I came here was during more intense Covid Times, and they hassled me about taking a picture of the airport from the window. This Ikea is right next to Newark Airport and there's a great view from the cafeteria window. Nice not to be bothered about the picture this time.

I think these are different mint-green plates. I think the ones that matched me perfectly are not here anymore. Oh well, I passed on them before, I still don't need any new plates.

Why would you think a pillow named Klubbsporre would not be comfortable? You feel like you need to pronounce Klubbsporre with an accent, but are not quite sure what type of accent to use.

My friend went over there to check out what kind of material those fake cow hide rugs were made of, and... um... are these not fake? I think they are real cow hides. Is that gross? Is that a thing still? I mean, we all eat tons of hamburgers and whatever, surely we can't get upset about this, right? Still, it struck my friend as kind of gross.

It looked like the scribbles were pre-printed just to appear to be random scribbles. So probably don't get two of them. Also, I know that's supposed to be an "R" but it seriously looks like the name "BICHARD" is right in the middle of the bag.

That poor puppy is determined to warm itself up! Dryers do not work that way! Get out of there, we'll let those towels run for a while, and them you can cover yourself in them.

This table has an air purifier built in to it! It's not as cool as you think, because this table was vibrating intensely with whatever motor was powering the fans and what-not. So do not put your soda on this table!

Da Vinci and Van Gogh giant fabric posters. Why own the real Mona Lisa, when you can have a much bigger one instead, for a lot less money? Whoa!

Kawaii! Sometimes I get pictures just because I like cute things.

Well this is a thing to mark the ages. Only in a modern house would you need a WiFi name and password plaque. Time travelers from the past would not get it.

Another cute poster from Ikea. Some kid is going to love these happy monsters. Are these production sketches for Monsters Inc.?

What are those? Potato chips? Tree bark? Thick dried leaves? Dragon scales?

Look at this tiny adorable frying basket! Tiny adorable fryer was nowhere to be found.

I was in the mood to try some crazy food, so we bought this Mustard and Dill sauce. My friend occasionally makes salami and mustard sandwiches, and we like dill pickles, so this might be alright. If it's good enough we can look forward to picking up a treat every time we visit Ikea.

Is this chocolate or... NOT? It's Choklad Not!

Pouring down rain as we leave the Ikea! It did not look like it was going to let up soon, so we dashed back to the car. It wasn't too bad.

Caught this at a stop light, there's a sign of a girl holding up a Truck Signs sign.  Thought it was funny so I quickly got a picture of it. The rain doesn't seem to be bothering her.

I'm not sure I'd want my car repair place to be named "Ultimate Collision". That sounds like something the Mythbusters would do on their show. Who's ready for the Ultimate Collision? Three... two.... one.... commercial! (And then you have to wait another 15 minutes before they actually show the collision.)

Later I tried salami sandwiches with that Mustard Dill Sauce. Definitely more dill than mustard. Actually mostly pickles-flavored, kind of sweet. But hey, still pretty good. It made for a unique sandwich flavor. The jar lasted a couple of nights, I'd probably get some more next time I go.